SLOAF-P13 FRY HARD: The original deep-heat shirt for heroes of the pan.

🛒 Fry Hard – The Shirt That Sizzles Even When You Don’t
by Commander SLOAF™ – Artisan of the Absurd

Ever woken up in a cold sweat screaming, “THE OIL’S READY”?
Ever whispered to a basket of fries, “I’d die for you”?
Ever made eye contact with a bottle of sauce and knew… it knew?

Then this shirt is already wearing you.

🧯 Fry Hard is not a garment.
It’s a contract with the pan gods, signed in salt, grease, and the questionable viscosity of SLOAF SAUCE™ (Warning: not for consumption. Or is it? No one’s made it to the bottom of the bottle).

🔥 Featuring:
A skillet mid-exorcism

SLOAF SAUCE™ — recently banned in 12 spaceports

Fries that voted themselves in as mayor

Mysterious sleeve tags that whisper encouragement (in pineapple dialect)

🧵 Fabric Feel:
Like wrapping your torso in a fast-food fever dream and walking through a kitchen-themed prophecy. But make it soft.

🧪 Ideal For:
Fry cooks with dangerous secrets

Casual Fridays in alternate dimensions

Couples therapy where both partners are condiments

Worshippers at the Church of Crisp™

NOTE: Shirt does not actually make fries. But it does attract them. 🔮🍟